Oh God, 10 nights. That's all there is.

Ugh, 6pm-12pm, that is when my stomach works the most

Hanbyel, Bo Yeon, and my day, 26th May

Dongguk University

May 28th, Hanbyel, Jay, Ava, Bo Yeon, Che Yeon, Ji Won, and I went to Dongguk University's festival, where Bella attended. With little butterflies flying in our heart we made our trip to Dongguk University. Just to become college students, we were excited to visit a University and enjoy a festival.

We walked and walked. Finally we reached to the destination and the view was not like we expected but wasn't disappointing as well. There were so many college students and each shops arranged by different clubs were very interesting. Most sold foods, some sold clothing, and there were games as well. Hanbyel, Jay, Ava, and I walked around and eating foods we could not resist smiling. We then went to concert hall and saw dancers dancing then finally saw a group called 10cm. The group was one of our favorite singers and definitely a favorite group for Hanbyel and Ava, we started to taking videos and laughing out loud. After listening to 10cm we walked to the station Bella was in and after meeting with Bo Yeon, Che Yeon, and Ji Won, we ate, played game, and talked.

The feeling we had wouldn't be easily described in words but definitely it was the time we would ever forget. Even when we met on Sunday to celebrate Young Ha's birthday, our memory of Saturday still were inside of us wanting to go back and feel the enthusiasm we had.

Sunny

May 18th, Hanbyel, Jay, Kyle, Young Ha, and I made a trip to Kang Nam to watch Sunny.

Sunny was very different from any other movie we could have watched that day. It was a story of seven girls who have been very close under group name Sunny reuniting after growing up. All seven had unique characteristics and all became one as a group.

After twenty years or so, when one of the group was walking down the hall way of a hospital, she sees another member of the group. She had a date given to leave the world in a month due to cancer. Day after day, woman who saw her friend at the hospital began coming to visit her and she according to her friend's wish, began looking for the rest of members. Through an agency, she finally found all and all were the same as they were as teenagers. With friend's death date, they all live days just like they used to thinking the world was their own that they are the main character. Even at the funeral, they all dance for the friend to fulfill her wish of seeing them together dancing to the song they always used to.

With laughs and tears this movie ended and we all were stunned how precious their friendship was and we also wanted our high school memories to be just like them so we could always look back. The movie allowed us to make each other seem even more precious than ever and to appreciate of the time we had with them.

With this mind, while we were walking down the road we all picked same shaped ring and shared, just like Sunny, we five of us wanted to make our friendship more precious than it could be.

My love, Hanbyel Kim

Oh god, how much I love her!

She has invaded my mind I cannot resist thinking about her.

Oh god, how much I have fallen into her!




At dormitory, there are five girls: Hanbyel, Jessie, Ashley, 8th grader, and me. Most of my days were spent with Jessie in the beginning but due to her busy schedule, I gradually broadened my friendship and got very tight with Hanbyel, day after day.

We had time to chat, each revealing emotion that we weren't aware of and the more we spent the more we made another comfortable. Not sure how I am for her, but at least for me she has become one of comfortable person I could be around with.

Most of days she had to go to dance practices after school and most of days I was there watching them practice and have dinner with them. Not too close but not too far, that is the distance I have with her.

Drop. Drop. Drop.

Drop 

Drop

Drop

Drop of water keeps on dropping and now the sound of rain fills the outside world. Wet roads, the cleanness of air, but gloomy clouds, that is how outside has changed into from a bright, hot, humid day. 

I begin my day with different feeling inside me. With background music of raindrops I add extra sounds putting earphones to my ears. Beats, rhythms, and different pitches make the perfect music. 

Along with music, I begin walking on the road. One holding a bag filled with little precious stuffs of mine and the other holding an umbrella. Slowly I make myself a main character walking on the road and do not care what is happening around me. The only thing I see is the road ahead of me and the only sound I hear is the music coming through earphones connected to iPod. 

Friends waiting at the cafe, I slowly walk and after meeting friend I choose either to go my friend's or my home to be the most lazy people ever or to go to movies. 

Not one is better than the other since both are real good to do on a rainy day. 

To stay at home with constantly giggling and chatting with a friend or to go out watching a movie.

Music

Music is mine
Music is yours
Music is round
Music is square
Music is blue
Music is green
Music is am
Music is pm
Music is happiness
Music is sadness
Music is life
Music is death
Music is the world.

ShabZ Aftermath 

"Music is the key to the female heart." -- Johann G. Seume



Just like the quote, music has been invading my heart for days now.
I begin my day with music, spends all day with music, then sleeps with music.

Just like the quote, music has opened my heart and is seeing me inside and out.

Summmmmerrrr is comin'

Summer is finally on it's way. The shirt is turned into a short sleeve, pants are getting shorter, and vivid colors are seen all over the place.

June 9th, the graduation day, is the last day of high school and the beginning of summer.

Mid August is when I will be going back to the States to once again start a new life. In between then and now, there is about two and half months of break.

Now, the question is what would I be doing during that break?

One answer I know for sure is to spend as much time I could with my family. My life of spending only four months a year begins again in three months; there is no time to waste. My family would probably go on a trip somewhere in Korea to make new memories but what I would like to do is to spend normal daily life with all my family members. To do so, I will be working out at a same place where my father works out, attending musicals or any music related concerts with my mother, and probably learn and talk with my brother about my future.

Yet, I know that I cannot rely too much on my family. I know I would have a great emptiness as soon as I am away from them. I would not only try having as much fun I could with my family, but also would have to control my emotion and practice being independence again.

Summer the season of bikini for girls, I am so excited for the warmth and the bright sun that is to shine everywhere my footsteps will be placed.

What I love doing?

Mmm...... definitely watching movies! But, sure that is boring to write about so I will tell you another favorite thing I love to do!

Knitting!

Haha

Just like my mother, I am born with a talent of good making skills, therefore knitting has become one of task I do to get rid of my stress or to make personal presents to my friends.

I have made several scarves and attempted to make mittens but the favorite I love to knit is either making scarves with patterns with, only with very soft and good yarns or making cushions.

This is a scarf I made to one of my friend who loved, absolutely loved yellow! Using yellow and ivory color and spiral patterns I made a long and thick scarf for her and I am pretty sure she often wears it during winter.

There are more I made but not all are photo taken :(

Oh and the cushion I made has a quite saddening story behind it! I am sure most of my friends very well remember of that incident since I made a great fuss about it. It was a Junior year during the end of January leading to February when the season of love, the Valentine's day was coming. I was making heart shaped cushion and of course since it is a cushion I had to put some cottons into it. Yet, I had no cotton what so ever near me. And I must tell you, I love pillows that I owned three to four pillow just on my bed. Meaning, I had not a single thought to open my pillow and take out some cottons from it. Therefore next solution were dolls. Funny cause most of girls adore dolls. However, I was quite different. I did not adore dolls as much as others. I often threw them or placed them somewhere I would really look at. After doubting for thirty minutes, I reached my hands to the dolls in my room. I believe I had five at that time. All from different people but the one that caught my eyes was the one I got from my mentor but the doll that got caught by my friends was the one from my ex-boyfriend. Haha. How cruel of they, they set their minds on it so with no questioning, they were ready to cut it open one hand with the doll and the other with scissors. Then I had to decide which part to cut. Surely I loved that doll as I got it from someone I like so cutting part had to be less painful than it could ever be. So soon I started asking my friends, even texting, then the decision was made. To cut the foot of the doll and take out the cotton from legs to up. :( Aw, it hurt my heart so much it took no joke, about ten minutes to cut.

Now, I will show the final piece of the cushion!

:) Adorable right? The cushion was perfect heart shape and the fuzziness of the yarn was the key point!

The doll I cut :( I especially took pictures with the doll and a cushion after the cushion was put with the cottons :( Major surgery ever!

The original shape of a doll!

:( :( ;( ;(
Sorry JMK :( I did not mean to hurt the doll you gave me but... the cushion does look adorable, right? :)

Do You Hear?

It is May 4, 2011

May 22nd, the date I was supposed to graduate, but no longer the date I graduate from high school

It takes eighteen more days for me to graduate

To get out of a high school

I first thought, 'Oh god, I wish to get out of this place in a heart bit' 

Then, now I think, 'Why eager for something that isn't to happen, why not just enjoy the day I have been given'

Therefore, I am sitting here writing this thinking, 'Wow, Hwayeon have you really begun to have feelings attached to this school?'

And I answer just inside of me, quietly, 'Maybe. Maybe I have already been attached to the school. Maybe, I just wasn't aware of how I was' 

A great change of decision was made yesterday. 

'To go, or not to go. That is the question.'

My question was to whether go to the family weekend on 5th of May. Buffet, face painting, lots of activities, friends, etc are available there, but the turning point for me was the blue shirt I saw right after the school. 

Not a dark blue nor a light blue, but some sort of blue that is clear and somehow reminds me of a hope. That was the color that caught my eyes. 

Then with tempting introduction of family weekend by Mr. Burke, I began hesitating to buy a ticket to home. 

'To go, or not to go. That is the question.'

Haha. How ridiculous it would've sounded like when I told my dad that I would like to go to the family weekend just cause of the shirt. Haha. He was wordless. Haha. He was stunned for the moment then soon said, 'for a shirt? for a shirt Hwayeon?' then in the end after the disappointment of not being able to see me a day early he says, 'if you wish to, i will see you a day early than normal weekend anyways.' 

But of course I added, 'Dad, I'm not sure if I am going for sure. I am going to think. Think till Wednesday.' Then I thought once again. 'To go, or not to go. That is the question.'

And I am still thinking. Still thinking, 'To go, or not to go. That is the question.' I, not perfectly feel, but most likely feel how Shakespeare would've felt when he wrote this in Hamlet.

Tik-tok. Tik-tok.

(Click. See how it tiks and toks so fast.)

Tik-tok. Tik-tok.

Time is ticking but my heart isn't

How can it tik and tok so fast

Can't believe it's already been May 

Can't believe there's only a month left for the school to end 

Oh, how could you tik and tok so fast 

My heart beat is still the same but your heart is beating faster and faster day by day

"Do you not know?"

"Hwayeon, do you for real not know how much I wait for Fridays?"

My father and I often, well to tell the truth, 'always' talk on the phone. He, at least two to three times, calls me. I knew it is because we always lived in distance and that he cared a lot about me but the word, "Hwayeon, do you for real not know how much I wait for Fridays?" made me tear up.

I have been away from home for six years and this gap between my parents I somehow brought a greater bond between us. Most of teenagers at my age seem to prefer spending time with their friends and not even eat dinners with their parents, but for me, I choose the opposite way. I mostly stay at home, talking to mother or even go out to father's office to chat with him.

As my character has not been built like others, my father and mother, also my brother are always truthful and often hurtful being too straightforward of their thoughts. They see the real me and often attempt to scorn me to make changes. Not a change to make me go out with my friends, but more like strong and independent? This is hard to describe because I am already strong and independent. The reason they might think I am not is because to them I am just real me. I don't try to stay calm and strong nor independent. I tear up or spend time on my own or even giggle just like ten year old. With this characteristic of mine, my father often teases me either making me cry, as he knows my weak points, or to make me laugh out loud. Saying I am just like seven years old girl instead of twenty, he always tells himself and me how I should become more strong and firm. Even from voice to face and to postures. Funny thing if I think about it, but honestly it is so good to have father who seems to know me very well and always says he would be always be there for me.

Saying 'I love you' and expressing how much he adores me whenever I am at home or even through phone is quite interesting if you take time to think about it. Then I remember when I often said 'you do not know anything about me.' Ouch. It certainly is a harsh thing to say but for me being away from home and not having a character of telling every parts of life to others, I absolutely felt they knew but not all about me. Ever since this time and ever since the number of crying raised up so high, he began to speak to me straightforward reminding me what I am and how I can be loved at all time.

Tough saying the relationship and the feelings between my family in words, but I can tell you for sure, the love I am getting from my family? won't be compared to anything I could get from the world.

What would I do without them.

 Ps. Photos sent from my father about a year ago showing the perm he has done, but not really visible. Lol. :( Should take more pictures with him, since I can't find any pictures of him and I that's taken recently.

Flowers, the signal of spring

Would you believe if I say it is my first time to see spring flowers in six years, in Korea?

It is.

I have been in Australia and the States and with the conflict of short spring break, I never came home during spring, but only during winter and summer. However, this year 2011, I have finally had an opportunity to just enjoy the view of the spring.

The view, is undescribable with words. I easily got stunned walking past or even look the window of a car seeing the flowers. Grown under a mother who loves plants, trees, and flowers, I had always been raised to appreciate what are around me, but this? I could not resist of appreciating every single leaves and blossoms on trees.

They were absolutely stunning! They were so beautiful I just wanted to stand right in front of them and look at them.

As spring has now arrived, with a new mind, I wish to enjoy the 2011 and make each day the best as it could turn into.

PS. The best part I could say about this spring is how I get to enjoy the view of flowers, trees, etc with my family. Walking on the road full of blossomed trees and driving under them, surely bring me a little butterflies in my mind eager to fly away as well.

Have you made tofu? Have you made dduk? Have you picked and eaten strawberries?

Hah! I have. 

Thursday, April 21, I along with SPPA faculties and students went to Yang-pyeong for a field trip. To tell the truth, I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't for strawberries. Tofu, I have tried making and for dduk, I often saw the process of making it by machine therefore nothing was too interesting making it by hand. Yes, I do know machine and by hand is a big difference but so did the taste so, nothing to say. But, as for the strawberries, it was real tasty strawberries! I have indeed picked up strawberries and eaten right away before because one of my dad's friend grows strawberries. However, haven't picked up strawberries for such long time, I looked forward to pick up. Especially because I wanted to take them home and tell my parents and be praised on.

The trip, ugh, in the beginning was the worst I could be doing. Yes, I do know it is maybe because I do not like walking around doing nothing, unoccupied, but it was mostly because I never had mind to be there. After one and half hour of sleep, I already was half asleep and seeing students make tofu and dduk was exhausting, as I was doing nothing and nothing, nothing intrigued me. But, I focused on the idea of being on a field trip and to remember my dad's word, 'change your mind, think positive, then your surrounding and moment will soon turned into a good time and you will be happy.' I did and I enjoyed and just seeing the others I saw how students use the time and make the time as fun as they could turn it into.

After picking up the strawberries, I've gotten better and I felt more mm, how could you describe the feeling, as if I am smudged into the picture? That is just how I felt. With this feeling I went on a rail bike. Surely riding on a rail bike was a 'new' experiment I had. The view and the conversations and giggles others on the bike I was riding on made me laugh as well.

 

All these exercises fully exhausted both my mind and body and for one and half hour I slept. That one and half hour sleep went so quick and soon we arrived at school. There, I quickened my steps, called, and booked ticket to home.

Blood. That Explains All.

No matter how many times I am to be asked to pick one between friends and family, with no hesitation, I would answer, 'family.' Family is all I have and no matter how much I love and care for my friends, it would never reach the point of loving my own family. I do admit, there are various areas where friends are in need and that I could choose friends over family, but ever since last year, I know for sure, without my father, mother, and brother I wouldn't be existing at this moment, even writing this essay.

I see many people of my age pick friends over family and I absolutely understand and do not look down on them. We all lived in different background with distinct people, therefore, not everyone's answer is going to be the same. I see teenagers often choose their friends over family with reasons; they understand better, they know the situation I am in, and they are who I spend the most time with, therefore, they will always be by me.

To the contrary, I must mention, family might seem to not understand you, but they do and the only reason you may think that they don't is because they are being real, and only thinking about you, just for your benefit. Family also might seem to not understand the situation you are in, maybe because they are older or because they did not experience the things that you are experiencing, but he or she once was a teenager just like you, therefore, even though the situation might not be the same, they can always figure out what sort of situation you are in. Lastly, you may think that family does not know better about you because they do not spend enough time with you, but they see the real you. And for them, just seeing the face in a minute could explain how you are feeling at that time. This is because they are your family, who you have been living with, the ones you have been showing the real 'you.'

Just as I mentioned above, I did only spent time with my friends but I soon figured, that was not all. As soon as I went to overseas, I soon figured what 'family' is. Why there is a family and why people always mention family is all you have. Before this I only shared and talked most of my concerns with my friends but from then on, I attempted to appreciate the existence of my family. Then the time came. The first time I realized that a person cannot be trusted fully, that you never know what the person is thinking. After that realization, I knew I had a family but still, at that time, it was too hard for me to open up my mind. I thought they knew nothing about me, but that was not true. They knew all about me and they were at all time willing to listen and to know my thoughts.

Family and friends, they are named differently and I do not demand for you to choose only one. Both are needed in your life. Family where you can always go back to, feeling as a shelter that gives you a break to breathe just the way you want to and allow you to think and talk as you like. Friends, who you can laugh and share the moment that is new to both and to giggle nonstop. Both are too precious to give up one, but only if I was asked to pick one, my choice will be the family.

One of SPPAs

Saint Paul Preparatory Academy. SPPA.

WA?

...

WA.

SPPA.

No more WA, but SPPA. I am one of SPPAs. 

My belonging has changed from the moment I entered Journalism class on Tuesday, March 8, 2011. I no longer belonged to WA, but SPPA. 

I wake up between 7 to 7 30 and was at class by 8 30. Before, I woke up at 7 30 and was at class by 8. 

I walk along the hallways on third and fourth floor but see only few faces that I am aware of. Before, I walked all over the campus, English, Math, Science, Art, cafeteria, day student lounge, and dorms but all I saw was the faces I knew. Well, there were few that I couldn't recognize but majority I could. 

I attend to classes just as a student attending class after class with homework and book back. Before, my friends were always around me giggling, making fun of, and talking non-stop. 

After classes, I come back to dorm and often go to Cafe, talking to the new friends I am getting close to then there is nothing after nothing. Before, after classes, there were sports then dinner with my friends. All came to my room, as not all were dorm students, but always they would keep on checking on me. 

Little. Just by little. Just little tiny bits of differences are being made to my days. But those little differences accumulated is now approaching to me as a big screen. English no longer is the language I use the most a day and my friends no longer are the ones I used to see, however, I cannot always look back to my past.

Those little tiny bit of differences are to become one of mine accumulated as a big picture. Now, I am to become one of SPPAs. Of course, inside, I am still one of WAs, but I should, I should open my mind to another place and to people, right? 

Therefore, I am. 

I, Hwayeon Lee, now is a student of SPPA... 

With all my love, I miss all my friends and wish they were still by me, but knowing that thinking about them would be pushing the people approaching to me off the cliff, I am to open my eyes and mind from now on.

 Me and Taylor Jordan

Me and Aliana Mestey

Me, Mackenzie Miller, and Lara Greenacre

Me. Me? Me!

"What is the most precious thing you own?"

One of TOEFL speaking questions was to tell the most precious thing I own. As for that question, I chose a word, 'picture.' But for now, if I was to be asked again it would take rather long for me to answer.

An object should be some kind of thing that is non-living.

An object that is 'most' precious to me.

How cruel is to pick only one among all the things I care about on top of knowing that I couldn't pick a living person.

There are just too many and picking just one among those, would that be just too picky? At least for me, that is. However, I must say there the reason there are too many is because I live looking back to past, enjoying the present, and walking slowly towards future.

Pictures that show my growth and the memories that is not to be forgotten, a laptop that allows to contact with the world, a phone that helps me to keep in touch with my family and friends at all time, letters I have gotten from my parents, brother, and friends, violin and piano that I play often, and all the small objects with all different and unique memories. I honestly have no idea which come before which and which is less important than the other. All are mine and those little objects surrounding me somehow identifies me.

Now, I must say, if I was to answer a question, Explain and tell what you value the most, I would answer the question as me. Yes, I of course thought to answer the question as my father, mother, brother, or even a friend, but what do all these love of mine mean if I was to not exist. Therefore I will say with a firm voice, "me!"