"Do you not know?"

"Hwayeon, do you for real not know how much I wait for Fridays?"

My father and I often, well to tell the truth, 'always' talk on the phone. He, at least two to three times, calls me. I knew it is because we always lived in distance and that he cared a lot about me but the word, "Hwayeon, do you for real not know how much I wait for Fridays?" made me tear up.

I have been away from home for six years and this gap between my parents I somehow brought a greater bond between us. Most of teenagers at my age seem to prefer spending time with their friends and not even eat dinners with their parents, but for me, I choose the opposite way. I mostly stay at home, talking to mother or even go out to father's office to chat with him.

As my character has not been built like others, my father and mother, also my brother are always truthful and often hurtful being too straightforward of their thoughts. They see the real me and often attempt to scorn me to make changes. Not a change to make me go out with my friends, but more like strong and independent? This is hard to describe because I am already strong and independent. The reason they might think I am not is because to them I am just real me. I don't try to stay calm and strong nor independent. I tear up or spend time on my own or even giggle just like ten year old. With this characteristic of mine, my father often teases me either making me cry, as he knows my weak points, or to make me laugh out loud. Saying I am just like seven years old girl instead of twenty, he always tells himself and me how I should become more strong and firm. Even from voice to face and to postures. Funny thing if I think about it, but honestly it is so good to have father who seems to know me very well and always says he would be always be there for me.

Saying 'I love you' and expressing how much he adores me whenever I am at home or even through phone is quite interesting if you take time to think about it. Then I remember when I often said 'you do not know anything about me.' Ouch. It certainly is a harsh thing to say but for me being away from home and not having a character of telling every parts of life to others, I absolutely felt they knew but not all about me. Ever since this time and ever since the number of crying raised up so high, he began to speak to me straightforward reminding me what I am and how I can be loved at all time.

Tough saying the relationship and the feelings between my family in words, but I can tell you for sure, the love I am getting from my family? won't be compared to anything I could get from the world.

What would I do without them.

 Ps. Photos sent from my father about a year ago showing the perm he has done, but not really visible. Lol. :( Should take more pictures with him, since I can't find any pictures of him and I that's taken recently.

Flowers, the signal of spring

Would you believe if I say it is my first time to see spring flowers in six years, in Korea?

It is.

I have been in Australia and the States and with the conflict of short spring break, I never came home during spring, but only during winter and summer. However, this year 2011, I have finally had an opportunity to just enjoy the view of the spring.

The view, is undescribable with words. I easily got stunned walking past or even look the window of a car seeing the flowers. Grown under a mother who loves plants, trees, and flowers, I had always been raised to appreciate what are around me, but this? I could not resist of appreciating every single leaves and blossoms on trees.

They were absolutely stunning! They were so beautiful I just wanted to stand right in front of them and look at them.

As spring has now arrived, with a new mind, I wish to enjoy the 2011 and make each day the best as it could turn into.

PS. The best part I could say about this spring is how I get to enjoy the view of flowers, trees, etc with my family. Walking on the road full of blossomed trees and driving under them, surely bring me a little butterflies in my mind eager to fly away as well.

Have you made tofu? Have you made dduk? Have you picked and eaten strawberries?

Hah! I have. 

Thursday, April 21, I along with SPPA faculties and students went to Yang-pyeong for a field trip. To tell the truth, I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't for strawberries. Tofu, I have tried making and for dduk, I often saw the process of making it by machine therefore nothing was too interesting making it by hand. Yes, I do know machine and by hand is a big difference but so did the taste so, nothing to say. But, as for the strawberries, it was real tasty strawberries! I have indeed picked up strawberries and eaten right away before because one of my dad's friend grows strawberries. However, haven't picked up strawberries for such long time, I looked forward to pick up. Especially because I wanted to take them home and tell my parents and be praised on.

The trip, ugh, in the beginning was the worst I could be doing. Yes, I do know it is maybe because I do not like walking around doing nothing, unoccupied, but it was mostly because I never had mind to be there. After one and half hour of sleep, I already was half asleep and seeing students make tofu and dduk was exhausting, as I was doing nothing and nothing, nothing intrigued me. But, I focused on the idea of being on a field trip and to remember my dad's word, 'change your mind, think positive, then your surrounding and moment will soon turned into a good time and you will be happy.' I did and I enjoyed and just seeing the others I saw how students use the time and make the time as fun as they could turn it into.

After picking up the strawberries, I've gotten better and I felt more mm, how could you describe the feeling, as if I am smudged into the picture? That is just how I felt. With this feeling I went on a rail bike. Surely riding on a rail bike was a 'new' experiment I had. The view and the conversations and giggles others on the bike I was riding on made me laugh as well.

 

All these exercises fully exhausted both my mind and body and for one and half hour I slept. That one and half hour sleep went so quick and soon we arrived at school. There, I quickened my steps, called, and booked ticket to home.

Blood. That Explains All.

No matter how many times I am to be asked to pick one between friends and family, with no hesitation, I would answer, 'family.' Family is all I have and no matter how much I love and care for my friends, it would never reach the point of loving my own family. I do admit, there are various areas where friends are in need and that I could choose friends over family, but ever since last year, I know for sure, without my father, mother, and brother I wouldn't be existing at this moment, even writing this essay.

I see many people of my age pick friends over family and I absolutely understand and do not look down on them. We all lived in different background with distinct people, therefore, not everyone's answer is going to be the same. I see teenagers often choose their friends over family with reasons; they understand better, they know the situation I am in, and they are who I spend the most time with, therefore, they will always be by me.

To the contrary, I must mention, family might seem to not understand you, but they do and the only reason you may think that they don't is because they are being real, and only thinking about you, just for your benefit. Family also might seem to not understand the situation you are in, maybe because they are older or because they did not experience the things that you are experiencing, but he or she once was a teenager just like you, therefore, even though the situation might not be the same, they can always figure out what sort of situation you are in. Lastly, you may think that family does not know better about you because they do not spend enough time with you, but they see the real you. And for them, just seeing the face in a minute could explain how you are feeling at that time. This is because they are your family, who you have been living with, the ones you have been showing the real 'you.'

Just as I mentioned above, I did only spent time with my friends but I soon figured, that was not all. As soon as I went to overseas, I soon figured what 'family' is. Why there is a family and why people always mention family is all you have. Before this I only shared and talked most of my concerns with my friends but from then on, I attempted to appreciate the existence of my family. Then the time came. The first time I realized that a person cannot be trusted fully, that you never know what the person is thinking. After that realization, I knew I had a family but still, at that time, it was too hard for me to open up my mind. I thought they knew nothing about me, but that was not true. They knew all about me and they were at all time willing to listen and to know my thoughts.

Family and friends, they are named differently and I do not demand for you to choose only one. Both are needed in your life. Family where you can always go back to, feeling as a shelter that gives you a break to breathe just the way you want to and allow you to think and talk as you like. Friends, who you can laugh and share the moment that is new to both and to giggle nonstop. Both are too precious to give up one, but only if I was asked to pick one, my choice will be the family.

One of SPPAs

Saint Paul Preparatory Academy. SPPA.

WA?

...

WA.

SPPA.

No more WA, but SPPA. I am one of SPPAs. 

My belonging has changed from the moment I entered Journalism class on Tuesday, March 8, 2011. I no longer belonged to WA, but SPPA. 

I wake up between 7 to 7 30 and was at class by 8 30. Before, I woke up at 7 30 and was at class by 8. 

I walk along the hallways on third and fourth floor but see only few faces that I am aware of. Before, I walked all over the campus, English, Math, Science, Art, cafeteria, day student lounge, and dorms but all I saw was the faces I knew. Well, there were few that I couldn't recognize but majority I could. 

I attend to classes just as a student attending class after class with homework and book back. Before, my friends were always around me giggling, making fun of, and talking non-stop. 

After classes, I come back to dorm and often go to Cafe, talking to the new friends I am getting close to then there is nothing after nothing. Before, after classes, there were sports then dinner with my friends. All came to my room, as not all were dorm students, but always they would keep on checking on me. 

Little. Just by little. Just little tiny bits of differences are being made to my days. But those little differences accumulated is now approaching to me as a big screen. English no longer is the language I use the most a day and my friends no longer are the ones I used to see, however, I cannot always look back to my past.

Those little tiny bit of differences are to become one of mine accumulated as a big picture. Now, I am to become one of SPPAs. Of course, inside, I am still one of WAs, but I should, I should open my mind to another place and to people, right? 

Therefore, I am. 

I, Hwayeon Lee, now is a student of SPPA... 

With all my love, I miss all my friends and wish they were still by me, but knowing that thinking about them would be pushing the people approaching to me off the cliff, I am to open my eyes and mind from now on.

 Me and Taylor Jordan

Me and Aliana Mestey

Me, Mackenzie Miller, and Lara Greenacre

Me. Me? Me!

"What is the most precious thing you own?"

One of TOEFL speaking questions was to tell the most precious thing I own. As for that question, I chose a word, 'picture.' But for now, if I was to be asked again it would take rather long for me to answer.

An object should be some kind of thing that is non-living.

An object that is 'most' precious to me.

How cruel is to pick only one among all the things I care about on top of knowing that I couldn't pick a living person.

There are just too many and picking just one among those, would that be just too picky? At least for me, that is. However, I must say there the reason there are too many is because I live looking back to past, enjoying the present, and walking slowly towards future.

Pictures that show my growth and the memories that is not to be forgotten, a laptop that allows to contact with the world, a phone that helps me to keep in touch with my family and friends at all time, letters I have gotten from my parents, brother, and friends, violin and piano that I play often, and all the small objects with all different and unique memories. I honestly have no idea which come before which and which is less important than the other. All are mine and those little objects surrounding me somehow identifies me.

Now, I must say, if I was to answer a question, Explain and tell what you value the most, I would answer the question as me. Yes, I of course thought to answer the question as my father, mother, brother, or even a friend, but what do all these love of mine mean if I was to not exist. Therefore I will say with a firm voice, "me!"

Jaewoo Lee

I do believe all the existing sisters in the world will view their brothers in their own way, but for today I would love to introduce to you all about my brother, Jaewoo Lee.

My brother, Jaewoo Lee, I believe has always been someone that I live with at all time. He has never been just a brother to me even from when I was a young girl. He was more like a guardian, who sometimes talked to me as if we were friends but often treated me as if he was my father.

The love I got from him even the time I have no memory of was far different from other sisters in the world. First, I do have to say I was born for his demand. He has asked for a sibling which changed my parents' thought of not having any child. Having a gap of four years between us, he, according to anyone who knew us, always took a very good care of me. I am afraid I do not remember any of those but all adults often talk of my brother of being the best brother they had seen. I now think, they wouldn't have said this if he was ten or older. He at that time, I believe was under ten years old.

According to all the adults, he has always been near me. In or out of home. They always saw him carrying my bag when I went to kindergarten. They always saw him pushing a swing for me. They always saw him walking behind me or talking to me as if I was his own. I do see being near him every picture of me since I was a baby, but never knew how he cared of me this greatly.

Even one day, with great jealousy he had over me, one of friend, two years older than me, told me how my brother bought me candy bars whenever we were to see her. The candy bar was given to make sure I do not hang out with her, but only with him. Of course as a baby, I figure I soon forgot the meaning of those candy bars. She told me how he yelled at me and was rude to her whenever I was around her. According to her, the quote he said to me was, "hey why are you hanging out with her! I gave you a candy bar and you promised!" Now since the day I first heard this I cannot resist smiling how he showed his own way of keeping me around him.

Of course gradually we had a gap, with four years difference between us, but it was when I came back from Australia that our bond was getting stronger. I admit we never disliked each other, but we often fought when I was attending primary school. Often we would try getting opposite's attention by throwing pens or erasers. But I knew and he knew that we were a sibling.

The love between as a brother and a sister grew stronger and stronger and my Sophomore year and Junior year, I must say, without him I would have not be the way I was. Talking to him almost everyday or two, he was the only shelter I had at that time. With his kindness and love but also his strict manners and scold, I was able to be more strong but never lonely.

Each day whenever I hear the story of his love towards me, I smile and promise to be just the same as I grow up. Jaewoo Lee, the best brother I know in the world, is my brother who just turned twenty five. He is not that tall, genetically, yet with big and sparkly eyes, cute, big nose, and a great smile with a dimple on his right cheek.

The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

CHRISTINE
Angel of Music,
Guide and guardian,
Grant to me your
glory.

Angel of Music,
Hide no longer.
Come to me, strange
Angel...

PHANTOM'S VOICE
I am your Angel of Music...
Come to me: Angel of Music ...

RAOUL
Who is that voice?
Who's in there?

PHANTOM'S VOICE
I am your Angel of Music...

RAOUL
Christine.
Christine!

PHANTOM'S VOICE
Come to me: Angel of Music ...... 

White and black to color, the time period changes from present, Paris, 1919, to past, 1870, where all characters existed, Christine, the Phantom, Raowl, and Madame Giry. In 1919, at Paris Opera House, the auction was held selling all kinds of things left behind after the event. By Raowl and Madame Giry, the whole story is revealed going back to the time, 1870. 

The Opera, at that time, was the entertainment people entertained. On or out of stage, the whole Opera House was filled with full of attention and noise. The event began with the Phantom, living very underneath of the Opera House that know one was aware of.

He, the Phantom, often sent letters sealed with skull shaped wax letting the owners of the Opera House to have a knowledge of him. That day in 1870 was no exception. Christine, pure looking with pale face and a talent, that no one knew of, was specifically asked by the Phantom to sing the main part.

Except for Madame Giry and her daughter, no one expected Christine to be able to sing that song, but to surprise all the rest, her voice was exceptional. Her talent in singing was attention grabbing that all the guests raised and clapped at the end. In a day, she gained fame but no one knew there was a mysterious person behind all this. The Angel of Music, whom she learned to sing and leaned to whenever she was sad.

Finally getting a chance to meet the Angel of Music, she learns all. All about the Opera House, the hidden secret below the Opera House.

Then the whole plot begins, where the 'love' comes in between, among the 'despair,' 'anger,' and 'sadness.' Just like the other romantic movies, this movie also contains three-way love, but nothing like the rest. This is much more intense and heart grabbing and breaking. As for the rest of movies, the only two lovers remain happy at the end knowing their true love, yet for this one, the 'love' of the Phantom does not get to be accomplished as he wishes due to his misfortune he had his youth.

If it was only the movies by itself, this The Phantom of the Opera could have been just a simple 'movie,' but with actual operas inside it, this becomes the movie that remains as a number one to me at all time. You not only can be amused of the storyline but also by the beauty of all the actors' heartening voice. 

If you ever are feeling unrested, falling apart from despair, saddened, feeling lack of love, do look for The Phantom of the Opera. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zfbtXdNpdE&feature=related